What are the signs of a toxic relationship? 

Depending on the nature of the relationship, signs of toxicity can be subtle or highly obvious. When you’re in a toxic relationship, you might not always find it easy to notice the red flags popping up. All the same, you could notice some of these signs in yourself, your partner, or the relationship itself. 1. Lack of support “Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life. But when things turn toxic, every achievement becomes a competition. In short, the time you spend together no longer feels positive. You don’t feel supported or encouraged, and you can’t trust them to show up for you. Instead, you might get the impression that your needs and interests don’t matter, that they only care about what they want. 2. Toxic communication Instead of kindness and mutual respect, most of your conversations are filled with sarcasm or criticism and fueled by contempt. Do you catch yourself making snide remarks to your friends or family members? Maybe you repeat what they said in a mocking tone when they’re in another room. You may even start dodging their calls, just to get a break from the inevitable arguments and hostility. 3. Envy or jealousy While it’s perfectly fine to experience a little envy from time to time, it can become an issue if your envy keeps you from thinking positively about your partner’s successes. The same goes for jealousy. Yes, it’s a perfectly natural human emotion. But when it leads to constant suspicion and mistrust, it can quickly begin to erode your relationship. 4. Controlling behaviors Does your partner ask where you are all the time? Maybe they become annoyed or irritated when you don’t immediately answer texts or text you again and again until you do. These behaviors might stem from jealousy or lack of trust, but they can also suggest a need for control — both of which can contribute to relationship toxicity. In some cases, these attempts at control can also suggest abuse (more on this later). 5. Resentment Holding on to grudges and letting them fester chips away at intimacy. “Over time, frustration or resentment can build up and make a smaller chasm much bigger. Note, too, whether you tend to nurse these grievances quietly because you don’t feel safe speaking up when something bothers you. If you can’t trust your partner to listen to your concerns, your relationship could be toxic. 6. Dishonesty You find yourself constantly making up lies about your whereabouts or who you meet up with — whether that’s because you want to avoid spending time with your partner or because you worry how they’ll react if you tell them the truth. 7. Patterns of disrespect being chronically late, casually “forgetting” events, and other behaviors that show disrespect for your time are a red flag. Keep in mind that some people may truly struggle with making and keeping plans on time, so it may help to start with a conversation about this behavior. If it’s not intentional, you might notice some improvement after you explain why it bothers you. 8. Negative financial behaviors sharing finances with a partner often involves some level of agreement about how you’ll spend or save your money. That said, it’s not necessarily toxic if one partner chooses to spend money on items the other partner doesn’t approve of. It can be toxic, though, if you’ve come to an agreement about your finances and one partner consistently disrespects that agreement, whether by purchasing big-ticket items or withdrawing large sums of money. 9. Constant stress Ordinary life challenges that come up — a family member’s illness, job loss — can create some tension in your relationship, of course. But finding yourself constantly on edge, even when you aren’t facing stress from outside sources, is a key indicator that something’s off. This ongoing stress can take a toll on physical and mental health, and you might frequently feel miserable, mentally and physically exhausted, or generally unwell. 10. Ignoring your needs Going along with whatever your partner wants to do, even when it goes against your wishes or comfort level, is a sure sign of toxicity. Say they planned a vacation that will take you out of town on your mom’s birthday. But when they asked you what dates were convenient, you emphasized that any dates were fine — as long as you didn’t miss your mom’s birthday on the 17th. You don’t want to point this out, since you don’t want to start a fight. So you say, “Great! I’m so excited.” 11. Lost relationships You’ve stopped spending time with friends and family, either to avoid conflict with your partner or to get around having to explain what’s happening in your relationship. Alternatively, you might find that dealing with your partner (or worrying about your relationship) occupies much of your free time. 12. Lack of self-care In a toxic relationship, you might let go of your usual self-care habits. You might withdraw from hobbies you once loved, neglect your health, and sacrifice your free time. This might happen because you don’t have the energy for these activities or because your partner disapproves when you do your own thing. 13. Hoping for change You might stay in the relationship because you remember how much fun you had in the beginning. Maybe you think that if you just change yourself and your actions, they’ll change as well. 14. Walking on eggshells You worry that by bringing up problems, you’ll provoke extreme tension, so you become conflict avoidant and keep any issues to yourself.